Awakening

It took me a very, very long time until I reached this peak of my state of mind..As you could probably tell from my older posts..I wasn't completely over my ex girlfriend, not only that but I also thought I fell for someone else. You see when your alone, you've become depressed and by all means this is natural. You just want the feeling of someone wanting you as much as you want them. Any slight indication of attraction or even if someone is being generally nice can be taken to extremes. During the midst of all that I lost myself, I was so concerned about finding my soul mate, concerned about finding someone I can simply hold hands with everywhere I went. The simple matter of it all is I didn't want to face reality. Right now nobody outside my family loves me more then a friend. For awhile it bothered me, I would like to believe that maybe my ex would come back because we have history and after all she was my first love. I realize now just because if someone is your first love and you have been with them for a long time doesn't mean that's the one your meant to spend the rest of your life with. I'd like to believe she loves me so much and she wants to be with me forever and ever but..um how fucking stupid am I?? lol. The point is most people are the same exact way. If a person cheats, leaves you, doesn't return your calls, doesn't make any significant initiative then odds are..news flash they don't fucking want you. People flirt, they love attention, but does this mean they like you? fuck no. The spark is a myth, its folk lore that gets you suckered into the position of "Do they feel the same way?" Anyone you find attractive that has some sort of friendliness towards you or has something in common with you can be defined as a "spark". Its a load of bullshit, people like something to do to pass the time, so they play with your mind. Maybe It took me a little longer then everyone else to figure this out, but I must admit I'm a hopeless romantic. As you get older, the fairy tales begin to fade away. Santa Clause turns into mommy and daddy and so on and so forth. Nobody really has a happily ever after. The best part of the awakening is not only have I seen the truth, I'm really happy. I feel free in a way I dismissed childish ways and regained them at the same time. For once in a very long time I feel the same way as I did many years ago, My only concerns is my family,excelling in the things I attempt to do, and my own happiness. Nothing else.