I'm getting girls that guys would often dream about, but I miss my baby.

Late Night Madness

Well its late and she's on my mind again. It never gets old. I always find myself every so often laying down, eyes fixed on the ceiling with only her running through my mind. Its funny how when I talk about her to my friends I don't even have to say her name. They know who "she/her" is. There are other girls, don't get me wrong. But she doesn't need an explanation or a background story. They already know. I wonder if it will always be like that.

Tonight I'm just fixated on how I might come off too over eager to talk to her. I wonder if its a turn off. I wonder if she feels I'm too easy for her to deem important at the time. Today we were talking about how much I loved her cause she completely denied one of her past flings for me. I think I either hit a nerve or over did it.

Its funny how sometimes ill sit there and analyze what I want to say to her for a few minutes and then when I finally come up with it, its horrible. I have a wedding tomorrow. I often think sometimes how much fun we would have if we were still together now. Have her as my plus one. Get to have her by my side in a gorgeous dress and dance until we can barely walk. Most girls I would deem unworthy to be by my side for many reasons. Mostly because I must admit I have issues. But her? Id be proud, confident, and content. My eyes wouldn't linger anywhere else. Only on her.

However, it wasn't meant to be. I go alone and I think mostly for myself. Do I care for other peoples feelings? No I do not. Ill live this single life for awhile I'm sure. I'm looking foward to it. I feel like I'm becoming more and more into my own. While no focusing on relationships I'm set on my self. So far I'm living by myself. 21 with my own apartment, decent job, going to school, and will be established by the time I'm 25. Ill bring home the bacon so to speak. I've grown so much. I've learned so much about life in general and especially myself.

Turn ons/ Turn offs

Turn Ons:
1. Playing/pulling my hair
2. Nibbling on my ear
3. Eye fucking
4. Intelligence
5. Creativity
6. Strong in general
7. Hard to get
8. Lip biting
9. Confidence
10. HOT BODY

Turn offs:
1. Clingyness
2. Weakness
3. Lack of ambition/determination
4. Desperation for attention
5. Inhable to up hold conversations
6. Self centeredness
7. Immaturity
8. No style
9. Lacking individuality
10. UGLYNESS

Those are just the mains. And unfortunately more things turn me off than they do on. Life's a bitch. Too bad I guess. :)

Change of fate

Sometimes I wonder if I went back in time and change not all but some of my mistakes if I would be a better person than I am today. I know that learning from your mistakes are important. The thing that bothers me the most is the events that happend to you in the past that isn't beneficial to your future. The events that serve no other purpose than making your past fucked up. If I could just change those would I be better? Less cruel, more caring. Or maybe I would be weaker, unable to take the pain as well as I can now. Just little things like this I can debate with myself for hours. Until the next blog. Tootles.

A little more about me.

I was actually going to sum up how I became an asshole. Then I realized I have a poem in one of my previous blogs from a year or so ago that already did that. I grew up a screw up. Nothing came easy to me. Whether it was sports or performing in school everything I had to work hard at. When I was younger growing up on a block with all boys our games consisted of wuffle ball, two hand touch, manhunt, and basketball with a crate attached to the pole. At a time all the boys were better than me until I got older and eventually just as good or better then them. Where I'm at right now I'm pretty beastly at reading comprehension and writing. However I attended extra help in those feilds until I was in the 5th grade. I've been jumped atleast 3 times. By the 4th fight I got into I was barely touched. The larger girl kimberley who started with me was on the floor with a broken nose and 2 cracked ribs. I've always had to struggle and fight and that's what made me strong. Its made me who I am. I learned the hard way with love. It took me about 3 times to finally realize the mentality you need to have when approaching a situation to prevent getting a broken heart. Last but not least sex! I remember as clear as day the first time I went down on my ex I made her legs shake. I had no idea what I was doing but I guess I did something right. Haha. Kissing although took me a couple tries to know what to do but then I got better. Can't get everything right on the first try haha.

Shit. Ever since I said a certain something now I can't get a certain activity out of my head! Fml! Anyway I realized now that every single Aries I ever met has a sexual appetite like mine. Coinsidence? Maybe. Who knows. Dhakdfjaskfhs well I'm going to take my sexually frustrated self to work out. Until the next time! Tootles!

Forever is a mighty long time

One of my favorite Quotes

"I'm the warrior that you heard about in legends. Pure of heart and awaken by fury."