Late Night Madness

Well its late and she's on my mind again. It never gets old. I always find myself every so often laying down, eyes fixed on the ceiling with only her running through my mind. Its funny how when I talk about her to my friends I don't even have to say her name. They know who "she/her" is. There are other girls, don't get me wrong. But she doesn't need an explanation or a background story. They already know. I wonder if it will always be like that.

Tonight I'm just fixated on how I might come off too over eager to talk to her. I wonder if its a turn off. I wonder if she feels I'm too easy for her to deem important at the time. Today we were talking about how much I loved her cause she completely denied one of her past flings for me. I think I either hit a nerve or over did it.

Its funny how sometimes ill sit there and analyze what I want to say to her for a few minutes and then when I finally come up with it, its horrible. I have a wedding tomorrow. I often think sometimes how much fun we would have if we were still together now. Have her as my plus one. Get to have her by my side in a gorgeous dress and dance until we can barely walk. Most girls I would deem unworthy to be by my side for many reasons. Mostly because I must admit I have issues. But her? Id be proud, confident, and content. My eyes wouldn't linger anywhere else. Only on her.

However, it wasn't meant to be. I go alone and I think mostly for myself. Do I care for other peoples feelings? No I do not. Ill live this single life for awhile I'm sure. I'm looking foward to it. I feel like I'm becoming more and more into my own. While no focusing on relationships I'm set on my self. So far I'm living by myself. 21 with my own apartment, decent job, going to school, and will be established by the time I'm 25. Ill bring home the bacon so to speak. I've grown so much. I've learned so much about life in general and especially myself.

Turn ons/ Turn offs

Turn Ons:
1. Playing/pulling my hair
2. Nibbling on my ear
3. Eye fucking
4. Intelligence
5. Creativity
6. Strong in general
7. Hard to get
8. Lip biting
9. Confidence
10. HOT BODY

Turn offs:
1. Clingyness
2. Weakness
3. Lack of ambition/determination
4. Desperation for attention
5. Inhable to up hold conversations
6. Self centeredness
7. Immaturity
8. No style
9. Lacking individuality
10. UGLYNESS

Those are just the mains. And unfortunately more things turn me off than they do on. Life's a bitch. Too bad I guess. :)