Welcome July

July is a new start for me. I feel the old insecure little girl in me slowly dying. I've been approaching new territory but I've been straying away. Going down the same roads I'm used to instead of going forth. I'm up to the challenge. I'm ready to take that step. I know what I'm capable of, and I know my worth. This trip to PA let me free my mind. That's why I like coming up here. I find a small bit of myself everytime. This tiny bit was just the extra little push that I needed to be more confident. I've been slowly getting there and now I'm finally here. I think I'm ready to test it out. Wish me luck.

Mmm

Yeah so the past few days I've been on this roller coaster. I just want to be my normal same old self lol. Yesterday I was so angry I felt like I was going to knock my boss on his ass. I never got so mad at work than I have yesterday. Today I started out miserable as usual because I had to work at Neiman Fucking Marcus. Later on after lunch I had Starbucks. Probably one of the top five things I shouldn't have done today. I couldn't help myself at laughing at anything and everything. Including my boss. Then there was the drop dead gorgeous girl who was trying on stuff and her mom was waiting for her outside. I started chatting up her mom like we were old friends. I made her laugh her ass off many many times. What can I say, the ladies love me. LMAO yeah right. Anyway. I got to chatting with her daughter. She kept starring and asking me how she looked in all these short dresses. I had her laughing a few times too. For some reason I didn't hold anything back I just let my personality flow. A lot of times I hold back because I'm afraid of what they may think. But I learned today that who I am is not something I should hold back. I thought I saw beautiful walk in my store today. I was wrong. I don't know how this happened but I never became so speechless and blown away by such a simple thing. I can't get into anymore detail then that. But honestly it's all I can think about. One things for sure, after tonight it wont happen again. Not that it was bad. It's just I never want to feel that weak. My legs felt like jello and my heart completely sank. For a little bit I didn't feel like this bad ass mofo that can use witty humor to get myself out of anything. My defence was down. I was caught off guard. I have the night to sleep this off. When I wake up tomorrow I want this feeling gone.