What The Fuck?

I don't even know what happened to be honest. I'm so confused I cant even begin to explain. Just when I think I'm not wanted. Just when I start to lose all hope and move on. This shit happens. Where were you when I was down and out. Where were you when I'd sit there and cry cause I miss the feeling of talking on the phone with someone I care about for an hour, shit I'd even take 15 Min's. You were nowhere to be found. I tried so hard to make things perfect. I tried so hard to make you happy, to make you love me. Wouldn't you give up?? Wouldn't you stop trying?? I didn't...sure I had plenty of options, options you may not been aware. It frightened you, it upset you and maybe you felt betrayed. The only thing I like about options is its an OPTION. Doesn't mean I have to, and it doesn't mean I don't. When you lose hope you begin to look else where. Your mind starts to wander especially when you spill your heart out to someone and they don't even respond or take notice. I've told maybe 2 girls out of my whole life on how I felt. Both times I got my heart violently crushed. 2 weeks ago it reminded me of a line by Julius Caesar. One of the strongest most intelligent men in history, in my opinion. The quote that replayed in my mind was "ET Tu Brute". I've been betrayed and crushed by so many, the last person I thought would turn their back on me was you. You know more about me then any other person. After all I've done this is the thanks I get. You just left me with my heart in my hands. Slammed the door in my face and left me in the rain. The rain in symbolic form of course of all the tears Ive shed for you. I never used to cry. I've got beat, and lost so many people Ive loved. Most of the time I can honestly say I didn't cry. If I did cry it was merely a tear. You changed that in me. Suddenly I'm a whimpering girl over someone who can't even respond to my last request. Foolish I was to think you loved me. As I pick myself up and dust myself and my heart off. I begin to walk down the stairs away from your stoop. As soon as my feet touch the pavement you open your door, and say...you never want to speak to me again. Now lets decipher what I just said. Let's put our thinking caps on so we may understand exactly what I'm trying to point out. The pavement symbolizes new territory back to the some what familiar but the familiar is unknown because in fact it's been awhile since you placed your foot there. See you remained on that stoop for years, and now your there. Of course she doesn't like it who can blame her. Little does she know nothing has happened yet. After all a sidewalk is just a sidewalk. Yes people have currently passed my way but did I engage them? No, after all I just left your stoop. Now if you do not wish to listen to me ramble then so be it. When else can I sit and have deep intellectual conversations about symbolism and how it plays a roll into my feelings. You want me on a leash, I'm not your dog. I can not be trained to say inside the gate on your property. Even Dogs know when they know they are being mistreated. If you left your dog outside day after day with no type of nurture, odds are they will run away too. What the fuck? You may ask yourself while I type this "nonsense" you might say.Well clearly you aren't listening...Sadly enough I left my heart on your stoop while I walked away. I don't want it back because it's broken, and has little use to me as it does you. As soon as I saw you I knew my heart wasn't meant to be mine any more. That's life..